When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry—Therapy for Grief, Loss, and Loneliness
The holidays can be complicated.
Every December, the world seems to swell with expectation—lights in every window, “joy” written across billboards, carols that play like they’ve never known sorrow. But for many people, this season doesn’t feel merry. It feels like a mirror, quietly reflecting everything that’s been lost, or everything that still feels missing.
Maybe it’s the first Christmas without someone who anchored your world.
Maybe it’s the exhaustion of pretending to be fine at family gatherings that don’t feel safe anymore.
Maybe it’s the way loneliness hums louder when everyone else seems connected.
Or maybe you’ve outgrown an old version of your life—a marriage, a friendship, a belief system—and now you’re sitting in the space between what was and what’s next.
Grief is not just about death. It’s about change, endings, identity, and the quiet ache of being human in a world that doesn’t always make space for pain.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Heavier Than Expected
This time of year magnifies everything: joy and sorrow, belonging and absence. The empty chair at dinner. The silence after a broken relationship. The childlike part of you that still hopes someone will notice you’re struggling.
Even if you live in a city as alive as Philadelphia or a close-knit community like Bryn Mawr or the Main Line, it can feel like you’re walking through a different world—one that’s out of sync with the noise and sparkle around you.
For people who carry trauma, the holidays often awaken body memories, sensations of danger, isolation, or emotional distance that were never named. You might find yourself dissociating through parties, overextending to avoid feeling, or withdrawing because it’s safer to go numb.
At Spilove Psychotherapy, we see this all the time—not as a problem to fix, but as an invitation to listen. Your nervous system remembers. And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is stop forcing yourself to “get through it” and instead ask: What if I let myself be held in it?
What Therapy Offers During Grief and Holiday Loneliness
Therapy becomes a space where the mask can come off, where you can name the thing that still hurts without worrying about ruining the mood or making someone uncomfortable.
In our Philadelphia and Bryn Mawr offices, and through virtual therapy for clients across Pennsylvania and New Jersey, we offer a place to bring your rawness, your weariness, your unfinished goodbyes.
Our therapists draw from EMDR, somatic work, and parts therapy (IFS) to help you meet every part of yourself—the part that wants to stay in bed, the part that smiles to keep others at ease, the part that still believes you should be “over it by now.”
You don’t have to push those parts away. In therapy, they become sacred messengers—showing you what still longs for love, attention, and integration.
How EMDR and Somatic Work Support Grieving Clients
In EMDR therapy, your brain and body finally get to process memories that were too overwhelming at the time. You might not be consciously thinking about that hospital room, breakup, or phone call but your body still remembers the way the air felt, the sound of silence afterward. EMDR helps those memories find resolution so you can breathe again.
Somatic therapy and mindfulness work complement that by helping you notice what grief feels like—maybe it’s a heaviness in your chest, a lump in your throat, or a tired ache behind your eyes. These sensations are the body’s language for sorrow. When you learn to stay with them, they often shift. Not disappear but soften.
Our therapists on the Main Line and in Bryn Mawr help clients learn to meet these sensations with gentleness, not judgment. Because grief doesn’t want to be solved—it wants to be accompanied.
What a Session Might Look Like
Sometimes grief therapy looks like talking. Sometimes it looks like silence, or breathing, or tracing the way your heart races when you mention a memory.
You might spend part of a session naming what you miss, or realizing how many years you’ve spent pretending not to. You might meet the protector parts that say, “Don’t cry,” or “You’re fine,” and start to understand what those parts have been protecting you from.
This is the work we do every day at Spilove Psychotherapy helping clients in Philadelphia, Bryn Mawr, and across the Main Line make peace with all the parts of their grief. The part that longs. The part that resents. The part that still hopes.
Reclaiming Connection in a Season of Isolation
You’re not broken for feeling lonely this time of year. You’re responding to a culture that celebrates connection while rarely creating space for real emotion.
What if this December, you didn’t try to “fix” yourself but instead gave yourself permission to feel what’s true?
Connection might not come from big gatherings or forced cheer. It might come from lighting a candle for someone you miss. Or from telling a therapist, “I’m not okay,” and having that truth met with warmth instead of discomfort.
At Spilove Psychotherapy, we hold those moments sacred. Whether you’re grieving a person, a place, or a version of yourself, therapy can help you reclaim a sense of belonging not through pretending, but through presence.
You don’t need to wait for January to start over. You can begin again right now, by letting yourself be exactly where you are.
FAQs
What kind of therapy helps with grief?
EMDR therapy and parts work are two of the most powerful approaches for grief and loss. They help you process emotional pain that’s stored in your body while honoring the memories you still hold dear.
Do you offer grief counseling near Bryn Mawr and the Main Line?
Yes. We provide in-person sessions at our Bryn Mawr and Philadelphia locations, and virtual therapy for clients across Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
Is it normal to feel sad during the holidays?
Yes. The holiday season often stirs deep emotions—even for people who are usually fine. You’re not broken; you’re human, and you’re remembering.
Can I do grief therapy virtually?
Absolutely! Our virtual therapy sessions are a grounding way to receive care from home, especially during colder months or when your energy feels low.
How do I start grief therapy in Philadelphia or Bryn Mawr?
You can book a consultation directly on our site. We’ll match you with a therapist trained in trauma, loss, and nervous system healing—someone who will walk beside you, not ahead of you.
