Free Tips On Loving Your Body

Give yourself a break: when you compare yourself to people in magazines, remember that these people don’t actually look like that.  They are photo-shopped and air brushed and have had their hair and makeup professionally done. 

Focus on appreciation: Take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself ‘what do I love about my body’? Maybe start with things like: ‘I love the way my arms are able to hug people’ or ‘My legs get me places and help me close drawers when my hands are full’.  See how many things you can find about what your body DOES that you can appreciate.

Reduce the criticism: Sometimes people believe that if they focus on what they don’t like, it will motivate them to change.  The opposite is true.  If you notice yourself measuring and pinching parts of your body that you don’t like, see if you can get yourself to STOP these actions.  If you notice you’re in front of the mirror or critiquing your selfies often, commit to yourself that you will avoid the mirror and/or stop taking selfies for 1 week (or 1 day if you need to start there).  Journal about this experience: what did you notice?  Were you as critical?

Breathe into Compliments: If you receive a compliment, see if you can breathe into it rather than brushing it away.  Take a few moments to really savor the compliment.  Give yourself a few moments, even if you don’t believe it, to just pretend that it’s true.  How would your life be different if you believed the compliments you received? 

Project: You are on a search for body love.  Look for images of people who are beautiful but are not perfect – whatever that means for you.  If you feel that you need to be very thin, look for images of people who are NOT thin, but are beautiful anyway.  Get at least 20 images.  Gather these images in a place where you can look at them often – weather you have a paper copy or a Pintrest Board – put them all somewhere you can look at them at least daily and notice what you appreciate about these bodies.  You might be surprised how your view of perfection shifts.

To learn more about how to love your body, call now to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation: 610.314.8402

The 5 Secrets to Quit Binging

At times, all of us have eaten a bit, or a lot more than is comfortable in our bodies.  Holidays, celebrations or sometimes mindless eating in front of the TV can leave us feeling overly full.  For some, this way of eating is more common and happens more frequently than we’d like.  The new DSM-V, the Psychiatric Association’s manual on diagnosis, has created a diagnosis under the eating disorder umbrella called Binge Eating Disorder or BED.  Whether you meet the criteria for this disorder, for bulimia, anorexia, or you just find yourself overly stuffed at times, these tools can be helpful:

1.     Notice what types of foods you’re binging on and write them down. 

It helps to look at your behavioral patterns.  Some people find themselves eating excessive sweets, some are more geared towards fats or starches.  Some people with emotional eating tendencies excessively eat any kind of meal including vegetables.  See if you can find a pattern in your binge choices. 

2.     Notice what you DON’T binge on. 

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Are there any types of foods that you’d never consider in a binge or never feel the need to over-eat?  In a recent session, a client was relaying the guilt and shame he felt after a binge.  He reported that he doesn’t usually allow pastries in the house, but was feeling strong recently and thought it’d be okay.  He found himself finishing off the pastries he had in one sitting.  Upon further investigation into what foods he was allowing himself to eat regularly, the client determined that he felt very satisfied when he ate waffles and allowed himself to eat waffles multiple times per week.  I asked him if he ever binges on waffles.  He was shocked when he thought about it and said that – no – he never binges on waffles.  Ok, great, so there’s no waffle binging going on, but how does that help?  Follow me here.

3.     Take a look at what you ‘allow’ yourself to eat regularly. 

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What foods do you consider safe?  In an attempt to be healthy, lose weight, or just get control over your food choices, you may be very rigid or restrictive about what you allow yourself to eat on a regular basis.  Perhaps your choices look benign enough like chicken and veggies multiple times per week.  Write down what you’ve eaten over the past 3 days to 1 week or track your food for a week.  What do you notice?

4.     What is missing from your regular eating habits? 

Take those same meal journals and notice what you don’t have there.  If we consider all the food groups: protein, fat, starch, veggies, fruits and dairy – are there any food groups missing?  Are there lots of repeated meals without much variety?

Now I know this might seem completely insane and a bit scary, but HERE’S THE KEY to quit binging.  Ready?

5.     Allow yourself to eat the foods you binge on.

Try adding a portion or 2 of the foods you don’t allow yourself to eat and some of the most common foods you binge on to your regular meal schedule.  I know this might seem counter-intuitive.  Our society tells us to resist, have discipline, diet harder, avoid sugars and carbs and fats and this may be the only voice you’ve ever heard that encourages these things, but just give it a try for a month or even a week and see what happens.  If you are on the anti-carb kick, but then you find yourself binging on carbs, try adding a normal amount of carbs to each meal and see what your body craves after a while.

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Here’s the rub – We are creatures of desire. 

Food is part of life!  It’s nourishing and delicious and sensual.  When we restrict ourselves from eating foods we love, we may lose weight in the short run, but this does not happen without consequence.  Our animalistic nature, our Id, it craves pleasure and passion and vigor.  If we force ourselves to live inside a rigid box of rules around food and body, we will always desire to break free and stepping outside of that box causes immense shame and fear.  I am not telling you to overeat or teaching you how to binge differently, but what I am suggesting is that you try to take the power out of the foods that haunt you

If you regularly binge on entire cartons of ice cream, see what happens when you have a cup every night for a week.  What emotions come up when you eat it?  Can you journal about them and bring them into your therapist?  What do you find yourself craving after that week of glorious freedom with ice cream?

If you live near The Main Line of Philadelphia or West Chester and want to learn more about binging and how to quit, or you’re not sure where to find support for your feelings around food, you’re not alone.  Please feel free to contact me at 610.314.8402 – I’d be happy to help you find support.

12 Clinical Interventions for Eating Disorders

Here are some tips you might find helpful when working with clients with Eating Disorders, or Disordered Eating:

1.  Find a registered dietician who specializes in Eating Disorders.  It is important that your belief systems and theirs align when working together to treat a client.  For example, most people in the eating disorder recovery field believe that there are no "bad" foods and we work with clients to neutralize food.  However, some people believe in "abstinence" from certain foods or food groups.  When I am looking for a dietician, I make sure that they're not of the school of thought to tell my clients to restrict food groups as it would go against the work we are doing clinically.

2.  Buy large desk calendar and different stickers and create a behavior chart for meals and snacks well done according to their meal plan. Celebrate successes elaborately!

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3.  If age appropriate, work with parents on making "no Foods bad".  Everyone in the family can join in on recovery by coming together to share with all food groups. 

4.  If age appropriate, look into the Maudsley Method for re-feeding process.

5.  Work with your client to create an art project around beautiful people, models, actresses, friends or family and others in Pinterest or print outs who are not super skinny.  Process what they find beautiful about these people.  Encourage clients to post up these images on their wall so that they get used to seeing ideal beauty images and other than emaciated models.

6.  Make a list of all clients fear foods and safe foods and medium foods and use CBT to debunk myths of fear foods. 

7.  Eat 'normal meals' together in session - especially with fear foods - exposure therapy.

8.  Find studies that show that whatever fear foods are - are not 'bad' i.e. - sugar is not as evil as everyone says. 

9.  Use ego state work to find out which 'parts' in clients psyche are telling them not to eat and have conversations with them using Gestalt Chair Work. 

10.  Use the books Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer as a guilde book, everyone involved should read and the book 8 Keys to Recover from an Eating Disorder by Carolyn Costin can be used for treatment and interventions as well.

11.  The therapist can have client draw their body in the size and shape she believes it's in, then have therapist actually trace clients body and process the difference. 

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12.  If there's one body part the client is upset about like their waist, have client draw what they believe is their waist size, then use a string to measure (not using numbers) the actual size and trace THAT onto the paper and process the difference. 

Hope this helps!!

What else do you use as interventions for clients?  Please comment below!!  As always, if you have any questions or concerns, please contact me at 610.314.8402 or through www.TiffanySpilove.com

Dining Out ... With an Eating Disorder

Happiness is a piece of cake therapy for eating disorders and body positive in West Chester, pa and on The Philadelphia Main Line, Bryn Mawr and Rosemont, PA

I know, I know, it sounds TERRIFYING!  Yes, I'm serious - you will not die from eating food in a restaurant ... I PROMISE!  It might FEEL like you'll die, it might seem like you'll gain a hundred pounds just from eating the food that is cooked for you back in that kitchen you can't see.  

Therapy for restaurants and eating disorders in West Chester, Pa and on The Main Line, Bryn Mawr, Rosemont, Philadelphia  Counseling

As my friend and colleague, Natalie says, "there aren't calorie ninja's back in the kitchen adding calories to your food"!  I understand the fear - I get that allowing somebody else to prepare your food is giving up control in a way that might not feel safe for you just yet.  Here's the rub, though - even though it might be hard to admit, I KNOW you want to be able to participate in experiences that involve food.  You WANT to be social.  You want to hang with your friends while they get frozen yogurt or try the food at the new cafe.  You want to live your life again... it's just that ED forbids it.  Here are some helpful tips for you to get more comfortable with dining out:

Practice

When you find yourself feeling fear about eating in a restaurant, it's sort of like a phobia - a very heightened anxiety around something specific.  The way to deal with and cure this type of phobia is through exposure - WITHOUT - re-traumatizing yourself.  So you don't want to push yourself to take it all on without practicing and getting comfortable with various aspects of it first.  

Use affirmations - they are wonderfully helpful ways to rewire your brain!

You might want to enlist the help of your therapist, friend or family member.  Tell them some food options that you consider safe.  Start small.  

It's better to have success with something less challenging than to get overwhelmed with something scarier.  

Dining out with an eating disorder therapy and counseling in West Chester, pa  on The Main Line, Bryn Mawr, Rosemont, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for eating disorders

Your support team member could either get you food from a restaurant or give you food that they made without you present.  Or if you need to start even smaller, you could watch them make your meal so you know it's safe.  Eat with them.  Notice your feelings.  Use anxiety reduction and grounding techniques.  Keep breathing and do your best.  Keep practicing this step until your anxiety stays below a 7 on a 0-10 scale with 10 being the worst anxiety you've felt and 0 being no anxiety at all. 

Increase the challenge slowly

Once you get comfortable with eating meals made by others, up the ante.  If you're still not ready for restaurant dining, try getting take-out or try eating foods you didn't see being prepared.  Use an affirmation like "This food is safe and nourishing; I am safe and I can eat this food".  Make sure you start off each experience with some breathing and relaxing techniques so that you don't associate fear with the experience.

Dining Out

If noise bothers you, choose a restaurant that's quieter or a time of day that's less intense like lunch.  See if you can get a table that's against a wall, in a corner or in a quieter area of the restaurant.  This reduces over-stimulation and feelings of vulnerability.  

Have a plan

In earlier recovery, it's helpful to have a plan.  If you know which restaurant you'll be going to, look up their menu online.  Work with your therapist or dietician to determine which menu item you'll be selecting.  Most restaurants have portions that are significantly larger than the exchanges on your meal plan.  If this is the case, you could anticipate eating half the meal.  One tip is to ask for a to-go box at the beginning of the meal so that you can put half away for later and just focus on what's on your plate.  

Therapy eating disorder support in West Chester, pa and on The Main Line, Bryn Mawr, Rosemont, Philadelphia Pennsylvania Counseling

Go with someone supportive

This experience is hard enough, don't add to it by going with someone who doesn't "get it" or tries to sabotage your recovery.  Some therapists or dietitians will conduct sessions at the restaurant with you so that you can talk through it as it's happening.  If that's not an option, or you're ready for the next step, choose a member of your support group who understands your recovery.  Let them know the plan beforehand and maybe come up with a code word in case you need to abandon the mission.

Remember to breathe

Keep taking those deep belly breaths and know that this is just one meal.  One meal won't make you fat.  If you notice yourself starting to get overwhelmed or anxious, just come back to your breath.  While you're eating, try to focus the conversation on something else like the weather, the new movie just out or anything fun.  Take a sip of water, feel your feet.  You got this!!

Do's and Don'ts:

Do:

  • Keep the conversation light
  • Have some topics in mind to talk about while you're eating
  • Get the food down
  • Chew thoroughly
  • Focus on the conversation, the beautiful setting or anything but the food and body
  • Wear comfortable clothes
  • Stay at the table for the entirety of the meal
  • Set your pace to about 30 minutes to complete your meal

Don't:

  • Count the calories
  • Compare your dish to anyone else's
  • Body check while you're at the table
  • Talk about food, weight, exercise or anything triggering while you're at the table

Keep your eye on the prize!

This experience is not just about today or next week.  You are engaging in this exercise so that you can enjoy your life - so that you can HAVE a life!  Spending all your time in isolation, feeling lonely, not participating in social events is no way to live.  Remember that you are doing this so that you can be happy and free of your eating disorder.  

One day at a time therapy for eating disorders in West Chester, pa on The Main Line in Bryn Mawr, Rosemont, Pennsylvania
One day at a time
One meal at a time
One bite at a time

You CAN recover!!  Recovery from an eating disorder is not a linear process.  It goes all over the place, it's messy at times and sometimes you need to take 5 steps backward so that you can get good 2 steps forwards.  Even one success is worth celebrating, so give yourself credit for EVERYTHING you do right.  

If you're still feeling anxious about dining out and you'd like some support, I'd be happy to schedule a time to help you reach your goals.  Contact me now at 610.314.8402 to learn more about how to dine out with an eating disorder.  Please feel free to share this post with anyone who is looking for help with eating and body issues.

Good luck and enjoy!!

If you have any questions or need support, please feel free to call me at 610.314.8402 for a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Please comment below and tell us your story!

The 3 Biggest Myths About Eating Disorder Therapy in West Chester, Pa

Body Positive West Chester, PA Therapy Counseling for Eating Disorders

West Chester, Pennsylvania is just south of The Main Line – an area rich with resources, beautiful settings, history and academic prestige.  With all this knowledge about … well, everything - in our town, why is it so difficult to fully grasp what eating disorder therapy actually is?  What does it do?  How does it work? 

And the most important question of all – WILL – IT – MAKE – ME – FAT? 

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You may have found counselors in West Chester that were kind enough and surely helpful.  Understandably, you’ve got lots of questions.

It is so normal to be scared. 

It is completely understandable if you’re wanting help – wanting support, but you can’t quite get yourself to take the plunge – and for MANY reasons (including the fear of getting fat).  There are other reasons you’re probably scared:

you know there’s a bunch of things in your past, or perhaps your family, that may have contributed to your anorexia, but you don’t want to blame them. 

You know you’ve got some difficult memories stored away, but that’s just the point – they’re STORED neatly away and the thought of walking into a counseling office and TALKING about them seems like the worst idea ever!  Also, the commitment! 

The binging and purging takes up ALL OF YOUR TIME –

every last ounce of energy you have to get to the grocery store, buy your binge foods, bring them home, make sure no one’s around and then the binge.  Eating and purging and eating and counting and cleaning and being COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED!  Who has time for therapy, let alone has the ability to commit to a specific time every week to show up? 

But you’re so tired! 

Therapy for Purging in West Chester, PA

Tired of this dance you are doing with a gorilla – he won’t let go and you just keep spinning and you’re out of control and you want help, but it all just seems too overwhelming. 

I hear you – it’s a dark way to live

You don’t have to feel like this anymore

Here are some debunked myths about eating disorder therapy:

1.  Will my therapist try to make me fat?

No.  We are not here to make you fat, contrary to popular belief.  Geneen Roth says that recovery is about finding balance in food, weight and life; it's not about gaining weight.  Recovery from anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder is NOT about making you fat.  My focus, when I work with clients struggling with ED, is to help them break free from the obsession with food and body.  To help them learn to love their bodies and live inside of them.  To find peace around food and this is NOT done through binging!  This is done by UNdoing the diet mentality.  Diets make people with eating disorders either fat or nutty or both. 

The goal for someone trying to find recovery from anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder is to eat when you are hungry, to eat enough food, that you enjoy, to SATISFY you and to stop eating when you are SATISFIED. 

If you practice this way of normal or intuitive eating, your body will follow suit.  If you are not restricting all day, every day and then binging and purging up your food, your body will do what it was born to do naturally – it will process the food and use the calories to give you energy and help your hair shine and your skin retain moisture.  It will also alleviate the depression and anxiety you are experiencing from malnutrition.

2.  If I go to therapy, will I spend all my time digging up the past and talking about my mother?

No.  As a therapist, I believe your history is one important component of what makes you - YOU.  I usually spend some time exploring things that happened in the past, but only as I find it helpful for the present – or if my client wants to explore or use EMDR to process an upsetting memory, then, of course we go there.  But this is not the focus.  As a therapist, my job is to help you identify YOUR GOALS and I am the guide that helps you reach them. 

Another thing to consider is coaching.  One of the differences between a therapy and a coaching is that coaching is usually much more directive and there’s virtually no history that comes into play.  Coaching can be very useful especially for help with navigating things like grocery stores, restaurants or meal times.  I incorporate coaching techniques when my clients are in need of this sort of direction.  Whatever it takes to reach your goals and so you don’t need to be in therapy for the rest of your life. 

3.  Won’t I just be put on another diet?

Eating Disorder Therapy for Dieting in West Chester, PA

No.  Not when working with this type of eating disorder recovery, anyway.  Some clinicians believe the way to heal an eating disorder is through rigid meal plans and restriction of certain food groups.  Perhaps this works for some people, but don’t you want freedom?  REAL freedom?  As Jenni Schaeffer said, “How free do you want to be?”  YOU CAN FULLY HEAL FROM YOUR EATING DISORDER.  You CAN find freedom from all sorts of restriction.  The beginning stages of recovery may involve a meal plan from a registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders.  We usually work on the exchange system.  Rather than counting calories or measuring amounts of foods, we use exchanges to help you get away from the diet mentality. 

And we meet you where you are at. 

If you are not ready to eat 3 meals a day, that is okay.  It is our job to help you mediate your anxiety around food; not to overwhelm you.  Middle and late stages of recovery often move away from meal plans and move more towards intuitive and normal eating.  (whatever that is right?)  But honestly, the goal is to help you find freedom to enjoy meals with friends and family – to put food in its place in your life instead of allowing it to dominate and terrorize you.  Dieting is not part of eating disorder recovery.

I hope this helps debunk some of the myths about eating disorder therapy, and hopefully, it will help you in your search for the right eating disorder therapist in West Chester Pennsylvania.  If you are still feeling stuck, please don’t hesitate to call me at 610.314.8402 for a free 15-minute phone consultation.  I’m happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person.  If you are looking for help with eating disorders, you can read more about how I can help here.