Taking Your Inner Critic Off the Holiday Guest List
Every December you tell yourself that this year will be different. You say things to yourself like, this year…
I will find the perfect gift(s).
I will finally be invited to holiday gatherings.
I am not going to overeat or eat sweets.
I will cook the perfect holiday meal!
I will feel comfortable at gatherings.
I won’t relapse or drink that much.
I am going to attend all the holiday functions.
You get caught up in the idea that you need to create the perfect holiday experience for yourself and for those around you. Each holiday season you set extremely high hopes that this year will *finally* be different. Yet, you often fall short of these expectations that you put on yourself. You often become overly stressed and anxious because of the added pressures of the December month. And while you had good intentions at the start of the month, you have set the stage for your inner critic to take the spotlight because you feel that you have fallen short.
Sounding familiar at all?
When we fall short of expectations that we set up for ourselves, we begin to hear our inner critic voice. The voice may be dull at first, but it often grows, as the once positive expectations we had, turn into negative thoughts like…
I never buy the right gift for them, which is why I always disappoint them.
I am an embarrassment to my friends/family, that is why I am not invited.
I overate at the gathering and everyone is judging me.
I can’t handle the stress of being around this family, I should have another drink.
The critical inner voice will attack us from any angle. This voice can easily undermine our self-esteem, confidence and place immense pressure to be perfect. The inner voice will often make us ruminate about our shortcomings, causing us to spend too much time in our heads. The inner voice will berate us for the expectations we did not meet that we are actually missing out on being in the present moment of the holiday.
As tricky as this voice can be and as easy as it is to get trapped in ruminating thoughts, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to uninvite our inner critic this holiday season.
Instead, this year we can work on managing our expectations and be more mindful of our inner critic part if and when it arises. We can work on being more immersed in the present moment and take notice of when our thinking may start to shift. If we feel ourselves turning on ourselves, we have the ability to interrupt that pattern of thinking and challenge it by practicing compassion and gratitude toward ourselves and others.
With this in mind, here are some tips to be mindful of when managing your uninvited guest this holiday season:
Think about what makes you feel good during the holiday season. This can be challenging, as we often lose ourselves in the process of thinking about others during this time of year. However, it is important to check in with yourself and how you are feeling. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and do things that matter to you because it is going to impact how we feel about ourselves and those around us.
Let go of the guilt that our critical inner voice will often steer us toward. We do not have to feel guilt for the choices or boundaries that we set during the holiday season. You are an adult that has the ability to make your own choices. The decisions that you make are made for a reason, so stand your ground and feel confident in them.
Keep track of how often you criticize yourself v. encourage yourself during the holiday season. Maybe you keep a tally in your phone or in your journal. However you want to keep score, be honest with yourself and pay attention to the critical voice v. the authentic you voice. And when you do note that critical voice, take space to give yourself compassion in that moment.
Understand that being ‘perfect’ is unrealistic for all of us! The perfectionist mindset that we have during the holiday’s is often what gets in the way of really being able to be in the present moment. Focus on what is going on around you instead of worrying about the ‘what ifs’ or what could go wrong.
Giving yourself gratitude is essential to overcoming your inner critic. Your inner critic will often take over when you are spending energy focusing on all the little things that went wrong, even if there are a million more things that went right! Rather than placing judgment on yourself, focus your mind on the good things and pat yourself on the back for the little things that you have accomplished!
As the holiday season draws closer, we can make the effort to change the relationship that we have with our inner critic, to live more in the present moment and show ourselves more compassion. This year, you have the power to leave your inner critic off the holiday guest list!
